Wednesday, February 25, 2009


There have been a few things lately that I've been really struggling with. Last week an online friend lost her baby at 25 weeks. It's her 3rd loss, but the furthest along. I am so sad for her and for her family. I just can't believe how cruel life can be sometimes. They've been trying for several years and dealing with IF. Then to get so close. It's just not fair.

Yesterday we had some more really bad news. A dear family friend who's been dealing with cancer just found out that the aggressive chemo and radiation, and surgery last week did not eliminate all the cancer from her body. It has spread to her lymph nodes. Apparently, they did the most aggressive treatment and only got 30% of the cancer. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the likelihood of her not being around much longer. She is so young and vital, and she is one of the most beautiful people (inside & out) that I know. It's just unbelievable.

I don't know how to reconcile these situations in my heart. They go against every belief that I have about being a good person and finding meaning in life. I don't even know where to begin. And I guess that I've been here for a while with our IF. But this certainly gives me a little perspective on what I am dealing with. I am holding my family a little closer today. And my heart is just broken.


  1. Dealing with others' suffering can hurt more than dealing with our own sometimes.

    Sending you warm thoughts.

  2. Oh honey... I wish I could keep you protected in a little happy bubble. I'm so sorry your heart is hurting. Hugs.

  3. IF. Cruel on so many levels. Your friend is such a brave woman. FriendS, actually. Early passages... I've always noted the angels die too early. On our left-behind end, it appears they haven't lived their full life span. But maybe it's possible that your beautiful friend has:

    A Dog's Purpose? (from a 6-year-old).

    Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

    I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

    As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

    The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

    The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat toget her for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
    Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

    Startled, we all turned to him.. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

    He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?''
    The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

    Live simply.

    Love generously.

    Care deeply.

    Speak kindly.

    Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

    When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

    Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

    Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

    Take naps.

    Stretch before rising.

    Run, romp, and play daily.

    Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

    Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

    On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

    On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

    When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

    Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

    Be loyal.

    Never pretend to be something you're not.

    If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

    When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.


  4. Oh hun, I am so sorry for both of your friends. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.


  5. I'm sorry to hear about both of your friends.

    Take your time reconciling these tragedies in your mind. We recently lost a close friend to brain cancer. It's difficult to process it... no one deserves to pass, especially not with a full life in front of them. Good, solid hugs and genuine laughter got my husband and I through his fading and death. If you need an outside friend, please email me: boldiebabie at yahoo dot com.


  6. A story of survival on a much (much) smaller level:

    I rode my bike down my driveway late this afternoon to start off on a ride. At the end of the driveway....I heard a quack. Then loud quacking, frantic quacking! It was Lucky Duck! He was alive for sure and CHASING me! And quacking! So, I got off my bike to talk to him...but he ran away, jumped back into the pond. So I turned, got back on my bike to go. Quack quack quack!!!! He was RUNNING after me! I think he just wanted me to know that he MADE it....he was ALIVE! I cried. Like a baby.

    I don't know what it all means. I lost a 24 year old friend to cancer in 1994 and I never did understand any of it any better. It never came clear, there was never a reason, it never benefited someone or meant something, or cured anything.

    I guess....appreciate the small things, small life too? I love you and I am sorry that you are sad....Rosemary too.